A mess
What does your real life look like?
Ours is a mess.
It is a mess of boxes and piles of ironing.
It is a mess of notes and pages and books.
It is a mess of potty training and pooping in your pants.
It is a mess of puppies that chew.
And tomorrow is the first day of our school year and I want to to cry, but if I start, the tears will not stop falling. I can already feel the pressure on my brain that come from staying calm when calm is so far away. Everything I see appears too bright, everything I hear is too loud and then too soft.
My children are spiraling all unhelpfully in different directions:
•The eldest is over excited about everything. He will not calm down and his nose keeps bleeding, because the air is so dry. He has nightmares every night.
•My daughter is so fragile. This morning she burst into tears when she asked if her birthday was tomorrow and we said no. She knows when her birthday is, but she believes that she should be 8 for her to go to a new class, a higher grade. She is back to wearing hair bands on her wrists. She is back to not being able to control her emotions. We recently found out she has some sensory processing issues. The thought of her in class is too much for me.
• The youngest is up and down. He is only 2 so that might also be it. He starts at a play school on Friday. He is so excited. I feel sick.
In the last 3 months we have moved house, it is a longer story for another post, had a sensory profile done by an OT for Bebe, adopted two dogs, had nieces for 3 weeks, hosted Christmas lunch, got broken into. I am tired. We are tired.
I am lying on my back typing this on my phone (they stole our computers). I need to go make supper and get my head around marking stationary. I don’t want to mark stationary.
On Sunday I preached a sermon titled “Beautiful Surrender.” It had to do with letting go of the steering wheel of your life and allowing God to lead, guide and direct you.
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.”
I realize for myself that I daily have to hand over the reigns. I know that I cannot control one iota of my life, not one tiny, little bit of it, except what food my children eat.
I surrender.
Philippa
Ours is a mess.
It is a mess of boxes and piles of ironing.
It is a mess of notes and pages and books.
It is a mess of potty training and pooping in your pants.
It is a mess of puppies that chew.
And tomorrow is the first day of our school year and I want to to cry, but if I start, the tears will not stop falling. I can already feel the pressure on my brain that come from staying calm when calm is so far away. Everything I see appears too bright, everything I hear is too loud and then too soft.
My children are spiraling all unhelpfully in different directions:
•The eldest is over excited about everything. He will not calm down and his nose keeps bleeding, because the air is so dry. He has nightmares every night.
•My daughter is so fragile. This morning she burst into tears when she asked if her birthday was tomorrow and we said no. She knows when her birthday is, but she believes that she should be 8 for her to go to a new class, a higher grade. She is back to wearing hair bands on her wrists. She is back to not being able to control her emotions. We recently found out she has some sensory processing issues. The thought of her in class is too much for me.
• The youngest is up and down. He is only 2 so that might also be it. He starts at a play school on Friday. He is so excited. I feel sick.
In the last 3 months we have moved house, it is a longer story for another post, had a sensory profile done by an OT for Bebe, adopted two dogs, had nieces for 3 weeks, hosted Christmas lunch, got broken into. I am tired. We are tired.
I am lying on my back typing this on my phone (they stole our computers). I need to go make supper and get my head around marking stationary. I don’t want to mark stationary.
On Sunday I preached a sermon titled “Beautiful Surrender.” It had to do with letting go of the steering wheel of your life and allowing God to lead, guide and direct you.
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.”
I realize for myself that I daily have to hand over the reigns. I know that I cannot control one iota of my life, not one tiny, little bit of it, except what food my children eat.
I surrender.
Philippa
Such a real insight! And I share the same life! Thank you.
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