Making Friends

I have been struggling to write for a while now. The words come and then they go. And the birthdays of loved ones far away come and then they go. And then anniversaries of loved ones who passed on come and then they go.  

I am forcing myself to share some of the words desperate to flow free. 

I having very few real friends and 

I am rarely invited to birthday parties or teas or book clubs.  I think what happens is I am not invited, because I don't invite people to my parties or teas or book clubs. If it helps I think there has been a misunderstanding, I haven't had a birthday party for a long time. It is not that I don't want a birthday party, it is more than by that time of the year our budget doesn't include birthdays. And as far as teas and book clubs I have allowed myself to believe that my home is not tidy enough or that my dogs will irritate you or my cooking will in some way offend you. 

I realize also that I may have appeared aloof if you have seen me in social settings where there are other living humans, most likely girls.  It is not so much aloof as socially awkward.  It was a joy and life-giving breath to discover that I am an introvert.  

I am an introvert and I do not know how to make small talk.  If you have met me and spoken with me for any period of time I think I may have overwhelmed you by pouring out my parts of my story.  I am an introvert who believes in vulnerability. 

I am being vulnerable with you now, not to guilt you into being my friend, but to encourage you to make space in your friendship groups for people like me. 

I watched my daughter playing today with her cousin and a friend of her cousins. At a point, she wandered into the house and drifted over to where I was standing. The trio dynamic was leaving her unsettled. My daughter is the bubbliest, friendliest little girl. Today that whole making friends scenario alluded her and left her feeling wanting. 

On the graduation of a Bible School course, I received a verse that spoke about hospitality. At that time I felt as though I was overlooked, I got hospitality and they got prophecy and teaching and other lofty-sounding words. I am grateful that we grow up and out of our small-mindedness. 

I am sure that by this point you have no idea where I am going with this. Hang on just a bit, and hopefully, it will make sense. 

Jia Jiang spoke at this year's Global Leadership Summit on rejection. He spoke so well on something that I didn't realize I felt. He had embarked on a journey to break the power of rejection in his life by asking people the strangest questions with the intention of being rejected. What he discovered through his unorthodox study was that rejection is a game of chance, "for all the no's there will be yes'." (I think he said that I that way, my note taking was sad.)

Here is the point of this post. I am going to force myself to get over myself and invite people, girl people over. Or I might even say something wild like, "let's go for coffee."

The thing is people, I have the gift of hospitality.  It is not weak or reliant of socially gifted people with loads of friends.  Our table has been the place where many friendships have been birthed. I am like a "matchmaker" for friends.

I can't remember the actual scripture given at that graduation, but I found this one and think I will take it.

"and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work."

1 Timothy 5:10

Whoop, it is all out for now. Thanks for "listening". 

Much love 

Philippa 

(If there are any grammar or spelling mistakes I am sorry. Here is something else I need to share, every time I start writing time seems to run away from me.  If I started the post something like "today", or "this morning" I get flustered trying to finish it and posting it at the right time. You know what I mean right? The social media golden hour (they vary) when algorithms align and someone will actually read your post. Tonight (23:11 here in South Africa), I am typing on my new phone. I would have talked myself out of writing if I had to get out my laptop. I have helpful apps on my laptop to make sure my grammar and spelling are correct.)