Disappoinment

July 28, 2017

Disappoinment

This post is not the typical first post for a new blog, but it is one I feel quite strongly that I need to share. I had the privilege of sharing this with our church this past Sunday:

Our daughter Beatrice had to attend extra lessons for 4 days in the last week of the school holidays. Our son Alexander was signed up for the awesome Lego themed holiday club at the Baptist church. Beatrice was a little bummed, but had chosen a good attitude and was waiting in anticipation for a friend's birthday on the Tuesday. We fetched her early from school that Tuesday, and drove her to the friend's house for the party. She was so beyond excited. When we arrived at the house no one was home. I frantically messaged the mom only to find out the party had happened 10 days before. Well done me! The disappointment that came over her was intense and took a good long while to move past.

We chose to use the time while our older two were at extra lessons and holiday club for our Big Clean, something we have started doing every school holiday. I am a messy, unfulfilled creative, Emiel is untidy and we normally don't manage to keep our cluttered cupboards and counters under control during the school term. As part of this cleaning/throwing out process we decided to attack our boxes. The boxes that were living in an outside room, gathering dust and mouse dropping, gross! The boxes that stored our life and dreams from before so much happened. Unpacking the boxes was wonderful and exhausting and it brought up so much disappointment.

Disappointment in and of itself is not going to wreck the world.

disappointment

noun

noun: disappointment

sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

We all have disappointments, some more intense then others. No one expects their marriage to fail. No one plans for a miscarriage or infertility. No one chooses to lose their house or job or pet. No one plans an illness or life-altering injury. No one plans to lose a father to suicide (I will write a post on this in time). No one plans to fall back into addiction.

There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed, the danger comes in when we don't deal with disappointment. Disappointment left to fester, grows into despair and dissatisfaction and even depression.

Joshua 7:1-9 is the portion of Scripture after the fall of Jericho. The Israelites would have been on a high. At this stage Joshua sent men to spy out the land of Ai. The report that came back was that was that the enemy was few and only a small group of Israelites would be needed to defeat them. Things did not go as expected, vs 5 "and the men of Ai killed about thirty-six of their men and chased them before the gate as far as Shebarim and struck them at the descent. And the hearts of the people melted and became as water." Disappointment came over the people of Israel and over Joshua who was overcome with despair and dissatisfaction.

In Psalm 13 we see another example of disappointment. Here you can feel David's despair as he cries out to God. Why God? Why would you allow me this worry, why does my life mean so little to you? Why did you allow me so much hardship?

1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I take counsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”

lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

I love David. I love how he bares his imperfections and brokenness with such a vulnerability. He knew that he could go to God with all his muck and that God would still love him. And it is this knowledge, I believe, that causes him to quench his disappointment.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;

my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Disappointment will happen and will likely happen often, it is our response to disappointment that will either make us or break us (you know what I mean, you know those bitter people whose lives have not turned out the way the thought they would). I don't say any of this lightly, I have never dealt with disappointment particularly well and still find myself getting hurt by experiences that add little to no value to my life as a whole.

I believe that we can come to a place in life where the effects of disappointment are not damaging. It takes a little effort and a lot of willingness to partner with the Holy Spirit for the way forward. In this way we cultivate joy along with some other awesome characteristics (the Fruit of the Spirit).

I want to leave you with these