Introspection.

Introspection

INTROSPEC'TION, noun 

A view of the inside or interior.

I was forced to make an introspection into my own mind.

Merriam Webster 1828

How you well do you know yourself? 

Are you aware of how your actions make others feel?

Do you think before you speak, wondering what the effects of your words might be? 

Why the questions, you ask? 

At 19, after months of reckless, self-loathing behavior I started making use of the services of the university psychologist.  I was unbalanced and depressed. 

At 21, when my melancholic state of mind was producing beautifully dark poetry and my drinking saw me nearly failing Fashion School, I started seeing another councilor.  Her name was Desrae and I think might I still owe her money.

At 23, after years spent down a bottle or in someone’s arms, I found myself back in the loving embrace of Jesus.  My behavior had changed, but my heart condition was much the same.  I was insecure and needy.  That year I joined a Bible study doing Beth Moore’s Breaking Free.  I loved her big hair and her Southern accent and the way she loved Jesus.  As I sat with her (TV screen self) and the other women in the group I began to understand that I had to deal with the muck inside.  I needed to take my thoughts captive, to submit them to will and way of Jesus. 

Why am I telling you this?

I believe implicitly that the way we treat others can and will have a life altering affect (Can you believe that I can never remember which word I am supposed to use?  Is it affect or effect?  I still don’t know.) I know you think I am being melodramatic. Take a moment and think about your interactions with your loved ones.  When you overreact and blast your child or partner or parent or friend, watch their face.  Then observe how they pull away from you a little.  When it happens again and it will, watch how their pulling away happens faster and with more intensity.  In the same way when we pour out love and praise, observe the response.  You will see people glowing, you will see your loved ones feeling loved.  Now can you imagine, what the growth of a person is who is regularly exposed to love and praise in comparison to the person who regularly receives negative feedback?

Again you ask, why am I telling you this?

It is so hard, almost impossible, to pour out love and praise when you are empty. 

Introspection is the soft-skill (I love soft-skills, don’t you?) of being able to look inwards for the purpose of taking the necessary steps towards bringing balance and moving towards wholeness. When your tank is empty, you need to able to observe the emptiness of your tank, so that you can take steps to filling it.

I am also a firm believer in preventative measures.  I prefer my family healthy, so I am particular about what I feed them.  My children behave atrociously when they do not get enough sleep, so I put them to bed early, mostly.  I am short-tempered, nasty and fearful (and a bunch of other unpleasant things), when my tank is empty, so I prioritize introspection. 

When we love others, with an uncomplicated, without motive love, we show them Jesus.

⁷ Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. ¹⁰ In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ¹¹ Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.¹² No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

1 John 4:7-12

ESV (my pastor husband told me to tell what version I used)

I hope your tanks are full, but if they aren’t, I hope that you are able to identify the emptiness in yourself. 

We are going to take the dogs for a walk.  Walking fills my tank, as does spending time with my family.

Take some time and think about what fills yours. 

In love and tank-filling

Philippa

A bonus, because is so beautiful, listen to Beautiful Jesus  by Jonathon and Melissa Helser.

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